I’m so tired but I can’t sleep.

I don’t think I’m worried about anything… maybe a little anxious because school is starting? But it’s in a good way… at least, I think it is. Whatever it is, I just can’t sleep. I’ve been laying in bed all night and have not fallen asleep at all. Not even a few minutes of sort of being asleep. I’ve been wide awake all night. This is though, I’m definitely tired. My eyes feel heavy and with all the movement and work from the day before, I’m most definitely tired so I’m not quite sure why I can’t fall asleep. Maybe I’m not as well-readjusted as I thought I was but considering tomorrow’s the first day of class and my 7-ish hour day begins at 8:30, I really hope I get some good shut-eye tonight. I most definitely need it… and want it.

I’ve had Ellie Goulding stuck in my head all night. She’s great but definitely not bedtime music.
Make sure you pick up a copy of “Lights” today at BestBuy or on Amazon.

Hello again.

It’s been over half a year since my last post but unlike all the other countless blogs I’ve created, I never forgot about this one. There were multiple occasions when I wanted to blog but I just didn’t. Something just didn’t feel right. I even really know if this is the right time to start again but something inside me wants to and I’m gonna listen. There’s something nice about knowing that pretty much no one reads this except for the occasional friend (or foe) who happens to stumble across it. I don’t need an audience, I just need to talk. So here goes.

The past few months have been nothing short of a whirlwind. I’ve gone through so much and the events which took place have formed me into what is hopefully a better human being for the rest of my life. I learned so much about myself and what it means it means to do the right thing. I’ve been forced to take a good hard look at my life, my family, my friends, my faith, my future and just about every other aspect of my life. This is the time for me to make a change–to make the transition from being a somewhat-careless teenager to a man who values morality, responsibility and is in it for righteousness. Forgive if I sound “churchy;” believe me, it’s the last thing I want to do–there’s nothing more annoying than hypocritical church folk.

I feel as though this is the time for me to re-introduce myself. It’s a time to catch up with myself, if that makes any sense and I’m taking one day at a time, one step at a time. Though I feel there is more that can be said, I don’t think I can form what I mean into words.

Hi. My name is Joel.

The Bloggity.

I’ve certainly been quite the night owl for the past few nights. Waking up at two in the afternoon and going to bed at nine the next morning does interesting things to your sleep habits and I suppose the productivity of your day. It’s 3:43AM right now so of course, I have the writing bug. Ahh… so much to talk about but not enough determination to properly organize and write my thoughts. I guess we’ll just take it one thought at a time.

So I was talking to these two guys about blogging. As you know, whoever you are, I have never been able to maintain a consistent blog except for this one of course and the fact that it’s lasted over a year is amazing. Hell, the fact that it lasted two weeks is incredible… I don’t think any of the other ten blogs I’ve created have ever made it past a month. Eh. Anywho, we were talking about bloggers, why bloggers blog, and whether or not they are to be taken seriously. They seem to believe bloggers have either very low self esteem or are just complete narcissists. Granted, I was a bit tipsy when having this conversation so it was difficult to be “mad” at anything they were saying. I still don’t think I’m angry but it’s kind of annoying to think that people (especially certain persons close to me) don’t take my need to blog seriously. Now I can’t say that I even took it seriously. Even now, I’m writing this blog with the intention that no one is going to read it. If it serves any purpose, it’s for me to just simply get my thoughts out of the chaotic little mind. Ever now a then, there will be an occasional reader but even then, I probably lose their interest by the third line. This blog really isn’t for anyone else… it’s pretty much just for me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not frustrated that no one reads my blog. In fact, I embrace the thought that my words will go unread by anyone else but me. (Going off tangent: In a strange way, the fact that this public and can be read by someone is enough to get me pumped up. It’s the excitement in the “risk.”) What’s frustrating to me is that I’m not respected for the fact that I have a need or feel inclined to blog. So I’m not the most confident person–so what? I’m most definitely not a narcissist. I just like to write. It gets me kind of annoyed to think that there are people out there who feel as if they’re better than me in that sense… or just don’t respect blogging. This is what frustrates me.

Now I have no smooth transitions for my next topic but I kind of wanted to touch on it so here goes. (And fyi, this is not as “serious” as the last paragraph. *smiley face*). I saw the third Narnia movie last weekend in 3D. I really wish I left the 3D part out… it pretty much was not good. It kinda sucked. Eh. The movie is visually dynamic and exciting on its own and the cruddy 3D definitely detracted from it. But! That’s not really what I wanted to rant about. I loved Dawn Treader. Fox did a wonderful job and it was a nice way to end the whole Pevensie-plot (w00t w00t  for that alliteration–haha!). The one thing that REEEAALLY bothered me was the fact that the soundtrack sounded completely different. It was as if I were watching an entirely different movie. I get that this isn’t a “Disney movie,” anymore but a distinguishable musical theme was established in the first two films and the fact that it was only referenced two, maybe three times in the whole movie really got to me. So they’ve got a new composer and it’s a new production company but the music was always one of the key elements that brought me back to Narnia. The soundtrack didn’t do that for me this time. I knew it was “Narnia,” but it just wasn’t the same… at least not right away. I’m guessing the exact score from the first two films couldn’t be recreated because of possible copyright laws but save for the main theme references a couple of times, the rest of the soundtrack didn’t sound like Narnia at all. It felt to me, just like another adventure flick in a movie theater. Grr. Nevertheless, the film itself was extremely well done and although the soundtrack issue was a pet peeve, I’d still give it a 4.5 (would have been a solid 5. Humph!) Oh well. If you haven’t seen it yet, go see it! Opt out of seeing it in 3D and just go for the standard 2D version if you can–you won’t miss anything and you’ll be glad you did. You’ll love it.

Anyway, that’s all I feel compelled to talk about tonight so… Good night everybody!!

PS: I ran a crappy half-baked spell check on this one but I’m sure there are still countless typos, spelling errors, maybe some grammar bugs. Please excuse them.

ONE MORE THING!!

I was gonna include this in my previous blog but forgot and figured it deserved its own post anyway.

GO SEE The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader! It’s really super duper awesome amazing and we need to make sure they finish the series! Take your church, take your friends, take your family and see it twice! GO!

And go pick up a copy of Taylor Swift’s new Speak Now album if you haven’t already! And make sure it’s the cool red deluxe edition from Target! =D



Stuff

So I’m sitting here “studying” for my art history final and pretty much getting nowhere. I’m really on actually on flickr, browsing photos, envying those with the sexy L lenses and getting excited about the new 50mm 1.4 that I’m planning on buying. December’s here, school about to let out and Christmas is right around the corner. I wouldn’t exactly call this past November an adventure, but it was sure as hell a roller coaster ride. This past semester has been… interesting. Definitely my least favorite and one I hope I’ll never have to repeat again–going to classes I don’t want to be in, spending too much time doing things I just don’t want to be doing with no time at all to shoot. Third semester has not been fun.

I will say however, this Thanksgiving was quite and interesting a memorable one. Not because of the food or the Black Friday rush. Sarah, my 11-year-old niece suffered a seizure at the Thanksgiving dinner table. This being my first time experiencing such an event, being ‘freaked out of my mind’ is probably one of the biggest understatement of all time. But she’s okay now and at the risk of sounding super cheesy, we’re all grateful that she’s fine. I guess the bright side to that was that it sort of made me slow down mentally and emotionally, and it helped me realize that even though we say we appreciate things, we probably really don’t… or at least, not as much as we should. So I appreciate the people I’ve met and those I have built strong relationships with.

Okay, now that that’s over, let’s move on to something a little more cheery, shall we? I’m gonna get a 50mm f/1.4 lens and I’m super excited about it. Can you say BOKEH!? Eh, that was pretty cheesy too, wasn’t it? Oh well. Like I said, I’m “studying” for my art history final tomorrow. FUN! I can’t wait til it’s over and I can get out of here.

Happy holidays everyone!
=]

Speaking now (for me). I was enchanted to meet you.

So much has happened in the past few months. There are so many things I could have blogged about and so many things that I wanted to get off of my chest but I just wasn’t compelled enough to do it. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt as compelled as I am now to write a blog. This is not a promo for Taylor Swif’t new CD but I’ve been listening to it for the past couple of days, trying to figure out if I like it or not. Never have I been more hurt in such a beautiful way. I’ve given it a listen numerous times over the past few days but it wasn’t until a few hours ago did I realize how important this record was, not for Taylor, not for her fans, but for me. A lot of it his heartbreak and screw ups. I’ve never really been able to relate to a Taylor Swift song 100% and that hasn’t happened this time either but never has a record brought out this amount of emotions and memories. And it’s not a lifetime of memories. They’re memories about one person. Thef first person I fell in love with… even though it was impossible. The one person I gave my heart to in entirety and even though I wish I’d never done it, even though it hurts more than anything. Even it’s the one person I want to forget and the one person I wish I’d never met, part of me with always be in love with the first person to steal my heart.

It hurts more than anything in the world and even though I want to make myself hate you, and even though I hate the things you did. Even though I hate the things I know and the things I don’t, Part of me is still in love with you and I think it’ll be that way forever. You were the first and even though it was impossible; even though it couldn’t have happened and even though it shouldn’t have, it did. I knew what is possibly the smallest part of you. And what I know may not even be true. But I’ll forever love you. And I’ve been spending the past two years trying to forget and move on. I’ve spent the time trying to get passed you and wishing you never happened but you were a living fantasy and I’ll probably never have that again. If it does happen again, I’ll cherish every moment of it. I was ready to do anything and everything for you but fate wouldn’t let me. And with all my heart, I wish I could fix it. I wish it was “real,” and I wish it lasted forever. I would go back and make it work if I could. If I could, I’d make us match. You would love me and I would love you and we would love eachother with all we have. But we can’t. Even though it’s not my fault, it feels like it is. And even though I want it to be, it wasn’t your fault. You were probably just as lost and naive as I was.

I’ll never forget you and no matter what, part of me will always love what you were and what you could have been. I will love what we could have been. And I’ll never forget you. You’ll always be there. Even though we were both young and stupid. Even though it probably would never have worked and even though it was the weirdest thing in the planet. I’ll always love you and what we were and could have been. More than anything, I was enchanted to meet you.

It’s been almost a month since my last post and that’s because things have been nothing than stressful for the past few weeks. It’s frustrating to have to do something you really don’t want to. But not as frustrating as being told to do something you don’t know how to do. This semester is undoubtedly the most stressful and hectic. My past few weekends have been composed of me working on projects, going to studios, and just flat-out doing work! With almost no opportunities for some downtime, I appreciate not having to do anything now more than ever before. I think the most frustrating part of this entire mess was learning how to deal with the ongoing work schedule. Not having any time to myself was somewhat taking a toll on me but I suppose once I got into the groove of things, I pretty much just gave into it. I mean, there’s nothing I can really do about it, right? So meh… oh well.

On a lighter note, I got a Zune HD (16GB), which I must say, I am very happy with.  And even though word’s begun to circulate about the new Zune HD2, I can’t say that I’m going insane about the upgrade (for the first time). I’ve pretty much given up on keeping up with the latest and greatest… almost. But I’m very happy with my purchase. It holds my music, it’s touch screen, and it’s cool looking. On to other new things, Taylor Swift’s new album, “Speak Now” is gonna be in stores on October 25th. I will be getting the awesome Deluxe Edition at Target which features three bonus songs, three remixes and a  DVD. w00t w00t for bonus DVDs! =D

I also developed my first role of film last Thursday. It didn’t go to well. There were “pictures” but I screwed something up in development so things weren’t exactly “perfect.” I can’t say that I’m pissed because it got messed up but I really wish out TA did a better job at teaching. She’s all over the place when it comes to giving tutorials–it’s impossible to stay focussed on the procedure at hand when she decides to diverge on a variety of tangents. It’s even worst when she decides to leave out little “factoids” which can be crucial to “picture-making,” as my professor calls it. I guess one usually has a greater appreciation for the “art” of film photography but after experiencing the whole process, I don’t see why we just don’t stick to digital. I could accomplish that same grainy, grungy “feel” you get with film in Photoshop. I don’t get it… why take the long way around when it does nothing for you. Although I must give credit to film for teaching me how to use my digital camera as a light meter for my SLR. Meh. I’ll be shooting my first “real” film shoot in a few minutes.

I guess that’s pretty much it for now.

Off to a Rough Start

I don’t like talking about my “personal life,” if you know what I mean. I’ve been single long enough to see the countless mistakes that others have made and I have been able to analyze most of them and understand why I shouldn’t make them. Some of the mistakes that people make in their relationship bewilder me and I don’t understand why they do what they do. That’s not to say that they can’t be explained; it just means they can’t be understood unless you’ve been through what they have. So I made a mistake and I screwed up pretty bad but thankfully, I have someone who is the most patient and supportive person ever. We’ve discussed what happened and why it happened and we are well on our way to recovery. In fact, I don’t even know if this is, “recovery.” A lot of it is just me finding my way and understanding what I need and want. We have, “recovered” and we have come out better people in the end. We have a better understanding of each other–you never stop learning no matter how close you’ve been to person or how long you’ve known them. I couldn’t ask for a better half and the events that took place in the past week have allowed me to solidify what I want instead of wondering about what things “would be like.” I love you.

As for school, this is probably going to be the most stressful and longest semester yet. Of course it’s not enough that I will be submitting my admission portfolio for the graphic design program this year, but I will be bogged down with work for two of the most intense studio courses. I won’t crack–that’s not an option. But it’s certainly gonna be a long semester. I’ll be glad when this semester (or maybe even year; I cringe to think) is over. Here we go again.

Welcome to Jennings

Moving in and out are probably the worst parts of dorm life. Having to transport all that crap gets me so frustrated. Thankfully, it’s over. I moved into Jennings Hall today; it wasn’t horrible but it certainly wasn’t fun. Fortunately, I had my mom to help–she’s always so nice. Jennings is nice–better than East. I’m not sure I like it better than Murphree Hall though… even though I was sharing one room with two roommates at the same time. And I’ve gotta admit, they were pretty awesome roommates (or at least one of them were). But, I’ve now got my own room so I’ve some much more privacy than before; that’s definitely a very good thing. A VERY good thing. The room is pretty much a smaller version of my room at East Hall with kinda suck-ish lighting at night but oh well.

So I got past all the wonderful stresses of actually “moving in,” and even though I was utterly tired and about to drop dead from practically no sleep the night before, it was nice to hear that my college buddies wanted to hang out. We headed over to Leonardo’s for pizza. It was my first time there and the pizza was quite exceptional. Took one last sip of my coke and we headed over to a local Good Will store where I got a new Florida T. Evidently, this particular t-shirt is super expensive, exclusive and a rarity… at least that’s what my friends tell me. But at $2.67, I won’t say I lost out. It’s a pretty nice orange shirt. Next door to Good Will was a party store where we got our fill of goofing off. We took it down a few notched afterward and headed over to Barnes & Noble Bookstore where we flipped through art magazines and “gossiped” about who was gonna make it into the graphic design program and what we need to do, and all the fun stuff (it’s not really that fun). I got a ride home and now here I am.

I guess this particular post is pretty elementary but I’ve kinda gotta headache from the lack of sleep (still) but I just thought I’d share my experiences throughout move-in-day. I think this post is more for me (subconsciously) though, than it is for anyone else. I figure one day I’ll look back at this, read it, and think reminisce. Meh.

I heard Taylor Swift’s new song on the radio in the car on the way back to my dorm. Click here to check it out. =]

G’nite.

Airplanes (Acoustic Cover)

“Airplanes” was an incredible song until someone started rapping after the intro… if only the original sounded something like this. Here’s JulietOriginals‘s rendition of the song. Check this one out. =]