So much has happened in the past few months. There are so many things I could have blogged about and so many things that I wanted to get off of my chest but I just wasn’t compelled enough to do it. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt as compelled as I am now to write a blog. This is not a promo for Taylor Swif’t new CD but I’ve been listening to it for the past couple of days, trying to figure out if I like it or not. Never have I been more hurt in such a beautiful way. I’ve given it a listen numerous times over the past few days but it wasn’t until a few hours ago did I realize how important this record was, not for Taylor, not for her fans, but for me. A lot of it his heartbreak and screw ups. I’ve never really been able to relate to a Taylor Swift song 100% and that hasn’t happened this time either but never has a record brought out this amount of emotions and memories. And it’s not a lifetime of memories. They’re memories about one person. Thef first person I fell in love with… even though it was impossible. The one person I gave my heart to in entirety and even though I wish I’d never done it, even though it hurts more than anything. Even it’s the one person I want to forget and the one person I wish I’d never met, part of me with always be in love with the first person to steal my heart.
It hurts more than anything in the world and even though I want to make myself hate you, and even though I hate the things you did. Even though I hate the things I know and the things I don’t, Part of me is still in love with you and I think it’ll be that way forever. You were the first and even though it was impossible; even though it couldn’t have happened and even though it shouldn’t have, it did. I knew what is possibly the smallest part of you. And what I know may not even be true. But I’ll forever love you. And I’ve been spending the past two years trying to forget and move on. I’ve spent the time trying to get passed you and wishing you never happened but you were a living fantasy and I’ll probably never have that again. If it does happen again, I’ll cherish every moment of it. I was ready to do anything and everything for you but fate wouldn’t let me. And with all my heart, I wish I could fix it. I wish it was “real,” and I wish it lasted forever. I would go back and make it work if I could. If I could, I’d make us match. You would love me and I would love you and we would love eachother with all we have. But we can’t. Even though it’s not my fault, it feels like it is. And even though I want it to be, it wasn’t your fault. You were probably just as lost and naive as I was.
I’ll never forget you and no matter what, part of me will always love what you were and what you could have been. I will love what we could have been. And I’ll never forget you. You’ll always be there. Even though we were both young and stupid. Even though it probably would never have worked and even though it was the weirdest thing in the planet. I’ll always love you and what we were and could have been. More than anything, I was enchanted to meet you.
